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	Depression and Teen Sexuality   They Can Never Say "I've Never" Again   05-24-06
	I remember back when I was in high school it seemed like everywhere I turned friends were having sex. For many of my peers sex was seen as a rite of passage. For others it was simply part of the inevitable or something you were expected to do. Growing up watching the 80's Brat Pack, sex was all smiles and laughs.

No one ever talked about the next day, much less the coming weeks and months after the fling was over. When I look, twenty years later, at teens today the message or practice hasn't changed much. Sure we've added "STDs are dangerous" and "Be responsible" to our glib messages but we still say little of one of the greatest dangers -- the immediate and long term emotional effects on one's self.

According to a new study by The Heritage Foundation, premarital sex is one of the leading causes of depression among teens. Sexually active girls are 4X more likely to struggle with depression, boys are 3X more likely. The study also observed a correlation in teen suicide rates and sexual activity showing those who are sexually active are 2-3X more likely to attempt suicide.

I find it ironic that we will spend over 500 million dollars this year teaching our teens to practice sex safely, yet there will still be 9.1 million teens that contract an STD. We spend countless hours telling them of the dangers of premarital sex to their bodies, but perhaps we have neglected the more important message of the danger to their heart and mind. We have told them that sex is an act of maturity and you must “respect your partner” but could it be we have overlooked the weightier message of respecting yourself by saying “no” from the beginning? Boys and Girls See it Differently In our age of gender equality, we have taught teens that there is no difference in the genders. Our feel-good teaching has done nothing but undermine the uniqueness and value of each of the sexes. Our “equality” has created a mindset among girls that their sexuality is a means to an end, the end result being control and fulfillment. Instead, it has only led to more confusion and depression. Adults who have a close relationship with teens can easily see the fruit of this faulty thinking. Teen expert and speaker, Harriet Turk of Power Choices, Inc. sees it on a regular basis as she speaks to tens of thousands of teen girls each year. "Teenage girls are confused because  they constantly hear messages from adults that as a woman today 'you can be anything you want to be.' Sounds empowering when it actually has the opposite effect,” says Turk. When what girls want most is to be loved and desired, they are willing to trade sex to try and get it. But in the aftermath, love is not the emotion they are left with.
Turk goes on to say, “Confusion and depression set in because what they seek is not in any form reality. Women think about relationships with their hearts, not their brains. When they seek love, they give sex. Emotionally, for a moment, it works. But feelings of unworthiness come from the aftereffects of giving your heart and receiving little or nothing in return.” Girls who have sex in order to fulfill an emotional desire only end up more emotionally deflated. This could be why the study showed that while both genders struggle with depression and suicide, the effects on girls is disproportionate. One in four of all sexually active girls are currently depressed.  Their different reasons for having sex are apparent, a path to fulfillment vs. an expression of bravado, but the effects are the same. According to the National Campaign to Reduce Teen Pregnancy, more than 2/3 of teens who have had sex said they wish they had waited longer. The majority of teens express regret over their decision to have sex. They long for another chance to say, “I’ve never.”

		The Path to Sexual Freedom Much of our culture tells us we can have what we want, when we want it, and however much we want. On the other hand, Jesus has a very different view of our attempts to fulfill our own desires. Speaking of his purposes he said, “Yes, I am the gate. Those who come in through me will be saved. Wherever they go, they will find green pastures. The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.”
Jesus is saying that he is a giver and "the thief" is a taker. Whenever we live out our sexuality within God's design, there is freedom. He describes this freedom as green pastures. If we are willing to follow, he leads us to fullness of life. We see teens, just as we did before them, experiencing depression, dissatisfaction in self, and remorse as they experiment with their sexuality outside of God’s design. All of this is happily given to us by the enemy in exchange for our freedom. As a parent, it is your responsibility to help your teen see their sexuality as part of God’s bigger design for their life. They need your help in seeing God’s fullness that comes with purity. Help them see that only God can give what every teen is looking for – freedom. Talk with them about all the freedom that comes with living out their sexuality God’s way. Here’s a few of the freedoms that we get:           » Freedom from fear of disease           » Freedom from regret           » Freedom from shame           » Freedom from anger over lack of fulfillment           » Freedom from loss of purity           » Freedom from depression
		To download the complete Heritage Foundation study click here.   Be sure to check out more from Harriet Turk.   If this article was forwarded to you by a friend, click here to get your own copy of our monthly eArticle on Teen Culture.